Lord of the Rubber Bands
by Blue Da-Ba-Dee
Summary: A Lord of the Rings parody. Mandy's mother is leaving town and giving her an old, seemingly worthless rubber band. But this is no ordinary rubber band. She finds herself going on a perilous journey to destroy it with an unlikely band of eight others.
1. Endsville

Well, here we have it, my first Billy and Mandy story. Also my first Lord of the Rings parody. Hopefully it will turn out alright! It starts out slow and weird, but I guess the movies and books do, too. Yes, I will be basing this mostly of the movie, since it's less complicated. I know that sounds lazy, my apologies! Anyway, I hope you enjoy it!

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_The world is changed..._

_I can feel it in the water..._

_I can feel it in the earth..._

_I can smell it in the air... Smells kind of like acetone... Or maybe that's just Aphrodite's nail polish remover. Yeah, that's probably it..._

_Much that once was is lost, for none now live who remember... Well, I'm an immortal, and so are the rest of us here on Mount Olympus, so we've been around, like, forever, but let's not count us..._

_It all began with the forging of the Great Rubber Bracelets. You know those kind of stretchy ones that sometimes have words on the sides that charities and things give out? These were not just any ordinary rubber bracelets, though._

_Three were given to the Gods, immortal, all-knowing, and said to be way too sensitive. Hmph!_

_Seven were given to the denizens of the Underworld, way down under the Earth's crust. Come to think of it, I need to go visit the mohorevicic discontinuity again, to see how the bracelets are doing._

_And nine were given to the humans. Not just any humans, but nerdy ones, the kind who take their games of Dungeons and Dragons way too seriously. Above all else, they crave power over those mean school bullies who wear shirts that go down to their knees._

_Within the brightly-colored rubber of these bracelets was bound the strength and will to govern each race. But they were, all of them, deceived, for another hoop of rubber was made. Deep in the land of Nerdor, in the fires of Mount Venom, the dark lord Shnissugah secretly forged a rubber band to control all others. Into it, he poured his evil, malice, appeal to nerds, and will to rule over all life._

_One rubber band to rule them all._

_In about a week and a half, the free lands of Lower Earth fell to the power of the Rubber Band. But some still resisted._

_A last alliance of supernatural creatures and plain old humans marched against the reptile armies of Hissdor to fight for the freedom of Lower Earth._

_Victory was almost won... But the power of the Rubber Band could not be undone._

_It was in this moment when all hope faded that Mindy, daughter of Hades the Underworld King, took up her father's scythe. Shnissugah, enemy of all free people of Lower Earth, was defeated._

_The Rubber Band passed to Mindy, who had this one chance to destroy evil forever, but the hearts of humans are easily corrupted, and the Rubber Band of Power has a will of its own. It betrayed Mindy to her death. Too bad. Since she's the daughter of Hades, that's like being grounded permanently. And some things that shouldn't have been forgotten were lost._

_History became legend..._

_Legend became myth..._

_For about two thousand and a quarter years, the Rubber Band passed out of all knowledge._

_Until, when chance came, it enslaved a new bearer. It came to the bespectacled shapeshifter Nergal Jr., who took it deep into the wet, mossy caverns of Depressing Mountain, a little-traveled area with a way too obvious name, and it there made him a slave. The Rubber Band brought Junior an unnaturally long life – not that I know the average lifespan of half-demons. For five hundred years it poisoned his mind, and in the gloom of his cave, it waited._

_Darkness crept back into the forests of the world. Rumor grew of a shadow in the East, whispers of a nameless fear. The Rubber Band of Power had its chance. It's time had come. It abandoned Junior._

_But something happened that the Rubber Band did not intend. It was picked up by the most unlikely of creatures... A human stay-at-home mom, Claire of Endsville who was practically forced to leave home to go on a dangerous journey in which she even slayed a dragon. But that's a totally different story, so I won't go into detail._

_For the time will soon come when ordinary humans will shape the fortunes of all..._

_-----_

A little blonde girl in a pink dress sat reading a thick book under a withered old tree in an otherwise green and cheerful Endsville park. Well, you probably already her as Mandy. In fact, I'm sure you _definitely_ know her as Mandy.

It was just an ordinary and peaceful midday in Endsville. The sun was out and birds were chirping. As much as the cheery atmosphere irritated Mandy, she liked it that way. She could be alone with a quiet entertainment method, like a book. Nothing could really disturb her.

That is, until she heard what sounded like singing and someone playing a banjo. The little girl groaned, shut her book, and stood up to look around for the source of the interruption. A motor sound came from the air. When she looked up at the sky and lifted her hand to shield her eyes from the burning sunlight, she saw a car falling from above. No, scratch that, the car had been flying. Now it was landing. With a clang, it landed in front of her. The source of the singing and banjo playing was a giant squid sitting on the trunk holding the said instrument. The driver was a very large toad in a robe and a pointed hat.

Mandy walked over to the car and folded her arms. "You're late, Toadblatt," she said.

The amphibian wizard looked at her. "A wizard is never late, nor his he early. He arrives exactly when he means to."

The two stared each other down for a moment. Toadblatt smiled, but Mandy kept her eyes glaring and her mouth scowling. The toad than doubled over, laughing hysterically. Mandy climbed into the passenger seat and whacked him on the head with her book. "Ouch!" he whined, "What was that for?"

Instead of answering the question, Mandy held up her book and pointed to it. The cover read, "Frog Dissection for Dummies, Comes with scalpel." Toadblatt squeaked. She turned around and smacked the squid as well to stop his singing. "Well, let's get going to your mother's house!" the wizard said hastily.

The car lifted back off the ground and rocketed over the fast food restaurants, playgrounds, and suburban homes of Endsville. There was silence for a long time. Mandy didn't want to talk to the stupid frog and the frog was too afraid to say anything to Mandy. Finally, he worked up the courage to say, "So, your mother's having a very large birthday party tonight, right?"

"Yeah." The blonde girl nodded. "She's invited half of Endsville. The rest are coming anyway." Toadblatt laughed insanely again. "It's not funny," growled Mandy.

"S-sorry!" He decided it would be smarter not to speak until spoken too.

There was more silence. The squid's eye twitched as he resisted the urge to sing. Mandy was the next to speak. "You know, my family was pretty well respected until you came along. We didn't associate ourselves with... the supernatural."

"If you're talking about the incident with that huge dragon Killdozer, I hardly had anything to do with it!" Toadblatt insisted.

"You're the one who dragged my mom out of the house."

"Well, there's that, but..."

"Anyway, you've been officially labeled a disturber of the peace."

Somewhere below, a crowd of small children pointed up at the sky. "Ooh! It's Toadblatt's flying car!" one of them squealed. Nothing like a good old enchanted vehicle to disturb the peace a bit more.

"To tell the truth," Mandy admitted, "Mom's been acting strange lately. She keeps looking at old maps of places you made her go, and she's always pulling some old rubber band out of her pocket. And she's still not done writing that stupid autobiography of hers. She only needs one more sentence!"

Toadblatt shrugged. "Maybe she's getting senile."

"She's turning forty-two tonight. That sure was quick."

Yet another long period of nobody speaking. Finally, the car swooped down and landed in the driveway of Mandy and her family's small house. Once it came to a complete stop, Mandy climbed out with her book. "You came to see my mom. I'm walking back to the park."

"What?" The toad got out of the car and yelled after her as she walked away. "But you just came from there!"

"I know. What a waste of time."

The wizard groaned loudly. That was sure pointless. Either way, leaving the squid who started singing once Mandy was gone with the car, Toadblatt walked up to the door and knocked.

"Go away!" a familiar voice yelled inside, "I don't want any well-wishers, neighbors, or obscure relatives ruining what precious time I have to sleep today!"

"How about old friends?" asked Toadblatt.

A second after that sentence, the door opened. In the doorway stood a woman in a red shirt with untidy blonde hair. She'd probably just gotten out of bed. She smiled at the sight of the wizard. "Toadblatt!"

"Claire, good to see you!"

"Come in!" she said excitedly, stepping out of the way for Toadblatt to come inside, "I can sleep later!"

He entered the house, nodding. "Thank you."

Once they were inside, Claire ran into the kitchen. "Would you like anything, like tea?"

"Sure!" Toadblatt nodded. "I guess I'd like green tea... with little flies floating in it."

She stopped and stared at him for a couple of moments, then continued with searching cabinets and cobwebs. "Is there anything else you want?"

"No, just tea is fine."

But Toadblatt wasn't just outside the kitchen, which was where he was just a second ago. Looking around the room, Claire opened the refrigerator and found the giant amphibian inside. "Ah!" she yelped, "How did you get there?"

"I don't know."

Simply brushing the surprise off, she took a box containing teabags and a mug off of a shelf. She filled the mug with water and put it into the microwave. "Mandy's doing well. I think she's wanted to leave Endsville ever since I showed her my book."

"Somewhere and Back Here Again: A Housewife's Tale. Have you finished it yet?"

"No. I'm stuck. I haven't been able to find the right ending."

"How about 'and she lived happily ever after?'"

"No, no. That's too cliché."

Claire took the mug out of the microwave and dropped in a teabag and a jar of gnats. Toadblatt didn't ask why she had it. "You should give it a minute to steep." Then she sat down. Taking a deep breath, she said, "Lately, I haven't really been feeling like myself. I've been feeling kind of... thin and stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread."

"I think you're just hungry," Toadblatt assured her. He pulled a loaf of bread and a stick of butter out of the refrigerator. "Here."

"Oh. Thanks." She took the food items from him, cut a slice of bread, and buttered it. Then continued to speak. "I think I'll go on a vacation. A long vacation. And I probably won't be coming back." That's when she realized. "Toadblatt, you're cold-blooded. How can you stay in the fridge for so long?" she asked.

"Come to think of it, I'm feeling kind of weird..." The frog fell out of the fridge and onto the floor, shivering. "D-don't worry," muttered Toadblatt, "My body temperature should go back to normal in a few minutes."

Claire chuckled slightly as she helped him up and gave him his tea. "Toadblatt, old friend, I think this'll be a night to remember."

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And that... was the first chapter. I hope you liked it! Reviews are very much appreciated, feedback is loved, and flames are completely unwelcome. I don't put up cast lists because I think it spoils the fun of figuring it out, but if you want to know who plays who, just say so in a review! But while I'm at it, to clarify, Eris is Galadriel.


	2. See You Later, Alligators

Ta-da, a second chapter of Lord of the Rubber Bands! This is one of the quickest updates I've had in a while, it's sad to say. I hope I can keep it up.

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BOOM! A spectacular silvery blue firework lit the sky above Claire's birthday celebration outdoors. "Wow," muttered Mandy, looking into the sky, "I didn't know Mom had a budget like this."

Toadblatt walked by. "She didn't pay for them. I made them."

"Hi-i-i, Mandy."

The girl turned around. Smiling shyly at her was a chubby boy with glasses. "Oh, hi, Irwin."

Irwin took a small step closer to Mandy. He gestured to a large area clear of tables and awnings where there were a few people dancing. "Um, I was w-wondering if..." he stuttered, "you and me could... could... you know..."

Mandy frowned and pointed to another girl. "Why don't you go dance with Dora or something?"

"Umm." Irwin hung his head. "Never mind. I'll go ask my mom if I'm allowed to try beer."

Mandy made a strange face, but as he was leaving, she gave him a shove and he stumbled right into Dora. She didn't care to see what happened then and decided to wander the party. She saw her mother telling adventure stories to a group of wide-eyed kindergarteners.

"So, we were surrounded by a pack of chupacabras," she heard her say, "They were in a circle around us. They were getting closer... and closer... and closer... Then, rights when one was prepared to spring at my head and devour my brain, POOF!" The kids gasped. "I don't know how, but they all suddenly turned to stone!"

Toadblatt just happened to pass by again. "Yup. Thanks to me."

More fireworks filled the air, making glittering images in the sky, such as dancing flames or blowing leaves. Underneath an awning, surrounded by rockets just waiting to be lit, were a green Underworld elephant monster and a small boy with red hair. They were Fred Fredburger and Pud'n the wolf boy. Someone, for some reason we'll never know, placed them in charge of the fireworks.

"Yes!" chirped Fred, pointing at the sky, "I like fireworks! I like fireworks because they look real nice and have lots of pretty colors. I like when they go _bang! _And then, and then they make all those pretty rainbow sparkles in the air!"

Pud'n grabbed the biggest rocket he could find, shaped rather like a dragon. "I bet this one'll be _real_ pretty, Fred!"

While these two village idiots were about to do something very risky, Claire had just finished relating some of the most thrilling parts of her adventures to the small children and started to look for Mandy. "So," she said, when she found her daughter, putting a hand on her shoulder, "are you enjoying this night?"

Then she could've sworn she heard a very vaguely familiar voice. With a small squeak, she looked over her right shoulder. A small group of middle-aged people were headed right her way. "Relatives!" gasped Claire, "Hide me!"

Mandy shrugged and grabbed her mother's hand to pull her behind a curtain. The relatives stood on the tips of their toes to see if they could catch a glimpse of Claire over the crowds, but they somehow didn't think to check behind the curtain. "I'll never know where in my family I get my intelligence from." The little girl sighed.

Claire chuckled softly. "Thanks, Mandy. You're such a good kid. And I'm a selfish person. You remember how I told you about those wolves that tried to raise you as one of their pack when you were born?" She stared Mandy right in the eyes, something she usually didn't have the courage to do. "Sometimes I wonder why I sent them away, but now I think it was because, out of all our relatives, you seemed to have... the most spirit."

Her daughter raised an eyebrow. "You've been drinking steak sauce, haven't you?"

"No, no! Of course not! Wait, on second thought..."

"Mm-hm. I know where I get some things from."

"Anyway, the point is this." Claire paused, apparently not knowing the point of her own speech. "You'll be all right, Mandy."

At about that time, Fred sneezed some flame from his trunk onto the wick of the dragon rocket, lighting it quickly. "Wow, Fred!" gasped Pud'n, "I didn't know you can breathe fire?"

"I can?"

The two laughed for a couple seconds, but stopped abruptly when they realized something. "Hey, Fred. Shouldn't we have lit it outside?"

The elephant thing stared at the very large explosive. Then he smiled. "I like nachos!"

The rocket burst into the air, blowing the awning up with it. In the sky, it sprouted huge wings made of fire. It turned back down to Endsville and swooped down over the party. Mandy got her mother to duck just in time. It climbed back up into the night sky, froze in midair, and then exploded with the most glorious sound anyone attending the party had every heard. The sight was just as amazing, erupting with a dozen individual bursts of orange, yellow, and red. Everyone cheered at the show.

Fred and Pud'n stared, stunned and covered with soot. "That was great!" Pud'n squealed.

His Underworld creature friend nodded. "Let's get another big rocket!"

Before they could something grabbed Fred by the tail and Pud'n by the hood of his sweater. It was Toadblatt. He lifted them of the ground and said sternly, "Fred Fredburger and Pud'n Whatever-Your-Last-Name-Is. Wait 'til I get my webbed hands on the moron who left you responsible for the fireworks show."

Claire now climbed up some steps to a small stage, ready to make a speech. She took a deep breath and said, smiling, "All Horvitzes and DeLisles..." There was a lot of applause. "Eagles and Marshalls..." More applause. "Baders and MacFarlanes..." Yet more applause. "Atoms..." The applause was deafening. "Warners and Jarvises..." More cheering. "And Derryberrys!" While they were applauding that name, Claire pulled a piece of paper from behind her back where she'd written down the surnames. "Did I spell that right?"

Everyone laughed, but Claire shook her head. "No, seriously! How do you spell the plural of... never mind." Going on, she announced, "Today is my forty-second birthday!" There was more cheering, even though everyone was starting to lose their voices. "Forty years isn't a long time to live among such admirable people. I know half of you half as well as I'd like, and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve."

All noise ceased except for one rude little cricket who decided that it would be a good time to start chirping. Not knowing what else to say, Claire started to slide a hand into her pocket. 'I... have things to do." She produced something from her pocket, but only Toadblatt knew what it was. "I regret to announce that this is the end. I'm going now."

Anyone closely watching saw her snap a rubber bracelet around her wrist before suddenly and completely disappearing. Everyone gasped, having no idea what she'd just done. The amphibious magician muttered something to himself, shaking his head. She hadn't exactly disappeared. She was just invisible, and she was going home, laughing to herself. Once she was safely inside, she pulled off the rubber band and stuffed it back into her pocket, chuckling at the trick she'd just played on everyone.

"I bet you think that was really clever."

Claire jumped, but quickly realized it was just Toadblatt. "Did you see all their faces?" she snickered.

Her wizard friend shook his head. "You'd be surprised at how many magical rubber bands there are in this world, and none of them are meant to be used lightly."

"I was just having fun!" She groaned. "Eh, you're probably right, like usual. So, is everything ready?"

"As far as I know."

"You'll keep an eye on Mandy, right?"

Toadblatt nodded. "Two eyes, whenever they're available."

"Perfect." Claire smiled. "I'm leaving everything with her."

"How about your rubber band?"

"Of course. It's in an envelope above the fireplace." She froze and her smile faded. "Wait. It's here, in my pocket." Claire pulled the band back out. "You know, why shouldn't I keep it?" Her voice quieted down. "I found it. It's mine. My own." She smiled almost sinisterly as she whispered, "_My precious._"

"'Precious?"'" repeated Toadblatt, "It's been called that before, but not by you."

"Why do you care?" Claire hissed.

"I think you've had that rubber band a little too long, Claire."

She looked away from her little stretchy treasure to glare at him. "I bet you want it for yourself!"

"_Claire!_" Toadblatt roared, "_Do not take me as some conjurer of cheap tricks!_" He seemed to grow larger. He towered above Claire, and she cringed against a wall. "_I'm not trying to rob you!_" Unexpectedly, he shrunk back down and smiled in a friendly way. "I'm trying to help you."

"...You're right." The blonde stepped away from the wall. She smiled back. "But to tell the truth, that was kind of a cheap trick."

"It's something we frogs and toads sometimes do. We inflate ourselves a little to look tough. If you ever watched a nature special in you life, you'd understand. But let the rubber band go."

"I will." Claire nodded, slid the straps of several bags over her shoulders, and was about to open the door, but Toadblatt stopped her.

"Claire," he said, "You're still holding it."

Slowly and very reluctantly, Claire opened her hand and let the rubber band fall to the floor. For a few moments, she gazed down at it, but then looked back up and waved. "Well... I'm off now."

Toadblatt watched her walk outside and stop at the sidewalk. He turned back to the inside of the house, planning on staying inside for a little while longer. He heard his old friend yell, "Taxi! OW! ...Oh, thanks, sir."

That was that. She was staying out of Endsville and moving to a city of vampires. That should be good for her. Nice and far away from the rubber band. Then Mandy walked in, shoving him to the side. "Mom!" she called, "Hey, Mom!" When there was no response, she folded her arms. "She's already gone isn't she? She kept saying she was going to go, but I somehow didn't think she had the guts. I guess I've got the house all to myself now."

Letting her eyes wander the house, examining all her new possessions, she noticed the rubber band lying just inside the doorway. "What's that?"

Toadblatt's attention was also back with the rubber hoop. He quickly scooped it off the floor and found the envelope on the fireplace mantle that it was supposed to be inside. "We have to hide it," he muttered, putting the band into the envelope, sealing it, and putting it inside a desk drawer nearby. Then he made for the door.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"There are places I have to go, questions that must be answered."

"And I don't know what you're doing."

The toad turned back. "Just keep the rubber band secret," he said to Mandy before leaving.

He exited and turned right to go down the sidewalk with Mandy watching as much as she could from the doorway. All she did was shrug.

-----

In the middle of the barren, scorched plains of Nerdor, a huge dark tower stood. Armies of lizardmen flowed in and out the many doorways, guarded the tower from the windows or gates, and vanished inside, doing whatever mysterious work was going on in that dark and evil place. From a high tower, there was an anguished scream of, "_Endsville!_" A painful howl, then, "_Claire!_"

Gates a hundred feet tall opened, and nine humanoids rode out from Nerdor on ponies that had black coats and red eyes as a poor, cheap way to look spooky and impressive. They wore black and red robes. Just from those two strangled words, the Secret Snake Club knew just where to look to find their master's treasure.

-----

To be a little clearer, neither Fred nor Pud'n is really Merry or Pippin. They kind of trade off. Neither of them are really intelligent or even occasionally serious enough to be Merry. They just kind of have their moments.


End file.
